The holidays can be a time of joy and celebration, but this season can also bring up a lot for many of us, whether you’re spending them with family, friends, or in your own company.

Almost nine in 10 US adults report feeling overwhelmed during the holiday season, with a primary concern being the anticipation of family conflict.

But what if you didn’t have to resign yourself to the age-old arguments and nervous system overwhelm of past years – and could focus on connection with loved ones – or with yourself – instead?

Let’s explore exactly why the holidays can be so hard and our top tips to navigate this season with more ease.

Why Do We Find the Holidays So Hard?

In the Western world, we’ve been exposed to cultural narratives and media portrayals about what the holidays “should” look like since childhood. Harmonious family meals, moments of connections with loved ones you haven’t seen all year, festive traditions that everybody enjoys…

The reality is that for many of us, these expectations only create more pressure and disappointment when our festive season doesn’t look like it does in the movies.

The same goes for relationships. It’s no secret that spending extended time with family members can bring up old dynamics of feeling like we’re not enough, or too much, in the eyes of others.

We get caught up in conversations about politics we didn’t intend to have, or are triggered by others’ behaviors we know won’t change.

All of these insecurities come to a head when we’re in the pressure cooker of the holiday season, often resulting in feelings of disconnection and overwhelm – especially when we don’t give ourselves the time, space, and care we need to feel at peace.

How Focusing On Your Own Inner Work Can Help

Instead of focusing on the behaviors of those around you, we invite you to take a moment to tune into your own inner landscape this holiday season.

Both talk therapy and psychedelic therapy can take you deeper into the relational dynamics at play and help you better navigate these complexities.

Psychedelic work, and psilocybin therapy in particular, can give you a more expanded perspective of the people and structures around you. These states of deep realization and insight can help us switch from “this is happening to me” to “this is happening for me.”

Rather than viewing ourselves as victims in our family systems, we begin to see how they can be our biggest teachers and, in fact, support our own process of spiritual evolution and self-discovery.

While it’s normal that relationships activate us, we have an opportunity to use them to feel more empowered and come into closer connection with the parts of ourselves that we seek to integrate.

That comment about the amount of food on your plate that brings up feelings of shame? Use it to explore your relationship with food shame and internalized body ideals.

Or the way a relative talks about your relationship status? Let this catalyze a deeper connection and appreciation in the relationship you have with yourself.

Therapy can help you build a sense of self-esteem and counter the enforced pressures and societal norms we feel we have to fulfill. It’s not about never feeling pressure to be a “good child/parent/sister/brother” etc., but rather how to build a sense of internal authority in the face of those feelings or expectations.

Ongoing internal work also gives you the tools to bring yourself back to a baseline state of regulation in the midst of stressful situations. Learning how to regulate your nervous system, set boundaries, and take care of yourself can help turn an anxiety-inducing gathering into a time of connection and fulfillment.

Tips to Manage Your Emotional Well-being During the Holidays

Here are our top pieces of advice for maintaining balance and staying grounded during festivities.

Prioritize Self Care

Oftentimes, when out of our routines or staying outside of our own homes, our self-care practices can fall by the wayside. Wherever you’re spending the holidays, don’t let this be the case. Whether it's a morning meditation or breathwork practice, keeping up with exercise, or taking walks on your own, commit yourself to keeping up with any practices that help you stay grounded and regulated.

Set (Compassionate) Boundaries

In the same vein, don’t be afraid to set boundaries that help you protect your energy and inner balance. For example, if you’d rather stay in a hotel down the road rather than your family members’ home, let them know that you’re so excited to be spending time with them, but would prefer to have your own space to come back to. Or if somebody brings up a topic you’d rather not talk about, gently express that you’d prefer not to get into it, and move the conversation along.

Remember – boundaries are about what you decide to do, not about influencing others. And they always go down better when expressed compassionately and with love – we often anticipate much worse reactions than we end up receiving.

Let Go of Expectations

Whether it’s the one dish you promised you’d make going wrong, forgetting somebody’s gift, or a lacklustre reaction to news you were excited to share, there’s a lot that can disappoint us during holiday festivities. Try to let go of the ‘perfect holiday’ ideal and accept that things can (and most likely, will) go wrong. And if there’s an opportunity to (inoffensively) create humor from something – take it. Some collective laughs can go a long way.

Practice Self-Awareness

While it can be easy to hyper-fixate on others’ disruptive behaviors or controversial opinions during family gatherings, this is also a great opportunity to practice self-awareness around your own role.

When feeling triggered, ask yourself, “Do I really need to react to this right now?” or “What would my reaction contribute to this situation?”

Even just taking some deep breaths and counting to ten can help you take an observer stance to what’s happening inside of you and adopt a more mindful approach toward a triggering situation.

Lean On Support

If you have a therapist, consider setting up a session before any anticipated holiday stress to discuss strategies and tools to maintain balance and take care of yourself. A therapist can help you talk through the dynamics you are nervous about entering into and practice conscious communication around setting boundaries. They can also help you define the values you want to keep close as you navigate challenging relationships and how to align your actions with those values.

If therapy isn’t an option, stay in touch with friends who might be experiencing something similar to support each other and provide a safe space to process, vent, and offer words or encouragement.

What If I’m Alone During Holidays?

Not everyone has family or social circles they are able to (or want to) spend the holidays with. If this is you, it can still be helpful to create a plan for how you want to enjoy this spaciousness and make the time special. You might want to plan dates with yourself, give yourself a gift, and cook yourself nourishing meals. The time of darkness during the winter solstice is a great opportunity to take a step back and rest so that when spring arrives, you have a newfound sense of energy and vitality.

If you have been invited to gatherings that you don’t have the energy for, give yourself permission to say no and take the time for yourself if that’s what you truly want. While you may disappoint a few people, it’s OK to prioritize yourself and your own energy, even during the holidays.

Wishing You a Nourishing Winter Break from Reflective Healing

From all of us at Reflective Healing, we wish you a nourishing holiday season full of moments of connection – with loved ones, or with yourself!

If you are seeking deeper therapeutic support in navigating the dynamics described above, get in touch with us to schedule a free 15-minute consultation with one of our therapists. We would be honored to walk beside you.

How to Find Inner Balance During the Holiday Season